I will die if light touches me.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't watch enough power rangers
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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