oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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