You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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