my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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