i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
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You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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