The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
my poor anus
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize