i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
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Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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