i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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