So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
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Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
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Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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