I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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