Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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