you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
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I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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