I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
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Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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