Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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