evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
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So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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