This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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