it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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