I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
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if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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