I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just want nice things and good sex
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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