i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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