Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize