There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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