Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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