Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize