I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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