We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
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So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
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STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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