whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
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I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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