There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize