i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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