You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize