My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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