I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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