I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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