So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
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Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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