Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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