We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
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I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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