and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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