Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
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How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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