We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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