do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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