Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
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If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
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WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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