thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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