hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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