You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize