That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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