Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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