This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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