I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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