you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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