I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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